And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
