Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
