just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
