I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
