Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
