Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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