She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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