im drinking this country out of the recession.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
