one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
