This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
