She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
