I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
