we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
