i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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