i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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