Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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