i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
