Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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