i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
