a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
