there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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