I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
