Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
