chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I supernannyed him into submission
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
