You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
