I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
FUCK WHALES
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