were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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