apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
