i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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