Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
