i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
