I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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