Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
love makes seman taste better
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
