I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
