are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
