The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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