So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
