I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
