I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
