It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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