I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
