It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
