I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
