we're blogging at a bar
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
