College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
