Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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