we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
