why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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