It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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