So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
