I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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