Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
