Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
