If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
