I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Where is the hickey?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
