You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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