So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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