I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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